I remember my first holiday after my separation. It was one of the most depressing days of my life. Just the thought of knowing that everyone I knew was spending the day with loved ones made the silence in my home feel even louder. Years before that, I had made the decision to move to a different state with my now ex-husband. That meant leaving my family and friends behind. When we separated, I no longer had the extra money to travel back to my home state for the holidays. So the holidays looked very different for me. They were spent in a quiet apartment with my daughter, who at the time was 16 years old. And if you know anything about 16 year olds, you know they are only going to give you so much of their time and attention. I went from a house full of laughter and holidays noise… to complete silence. No visitors, No big meals, No traditions. Just the quiet reminder that my life had changed. And if you’re going through divorce, you may know exactly what that kind of silence feels like.
The Grief No One Talks About: One thing people don’t prepare you for after divorce is the grief that shows up during holidays. Holidays have memories attached to them. The meals you used to cook together, the traditions you built, the photos, The expectations of what the day should look like. When divorce happens, it can feel like all of that disappears overnight. But here is something I had to learn the hard way: Just because a chapter ends does not mean your life stops.
What I Had to Learn the Hard Way: After about two years of lonely, depressing holidays, I realized something. No one was coming to rescue me from those feelings. And staying in bed all day every holiday was not healing me. So I made a decision that changed everything. I started creating my own holiday traditions. Not the ones from my marriage. Not the ones I used to have growing up. New ones, Ones that fit the life I was building.
The Mindset Shift That Changed Everything: The best thing you can do for yourself during your healing journey is not allow someone else’s absence to determine how spend your days. Divorce already changes so much. Do not give it permission to steal your joy too. You deserve peace, You deserve meaningful days, You deserve new memories. And sometimes healing starts with one simple decision: I will not stay stuck here.
5 Things I Tell Women Struggling During the Holidays: If I were coaching a woman going through this season of life, here is the advice I would give her.
- Stop expecting the holidays to look like it used to: This is one of the hardest parts of healing. The holidays will look different now. That doesn’t mean they have to be sad forever. It just means you are in a new chapter.
2. Create new traditions: Your traditions do not have to be big. Order your favorite meal, Watch movies all day, Take yourself somewhere beautiful, Start a gratitude ritual. New traditions help you reclaim the day.
3. Get out of the house: Isolation makes everything feel heavier. Even something small like a walk, volunteering, or visiting a coffee shop can shift your mood and remind you that life is still happening around you.
4. Allow yourself to heal, but don’t stay there: Sadness during the holidays is normal after divorce. Let yourself feel it. But do not unpack and live there. Feel it, acknowledge it, and then choose to move forward with your day.
5. Remember this season will not last forever: The first holidays are the hardest. But year by year, they get easier. New memories form, Your confidence grows, Your life begins to expand again.
Your Holidays Are Still Yours: If you are reading this while struggling through your first holiday season after divorce, please hear this. There will be laughter again, There will be joy again, There will be new traditions you actually look forward to. Your life is still yours. And you still have the power to create beautiful days ahead.
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